Amanda Von Bullshit,

Currently watching the 2nd Jurassic Park :3
Jeff Goldblum!!

I want to read more Michael Crichton books.

I haven't been gone very long, but it feels like a lifetime :'(

Garden show, FAFSA, scholarships galore.


That pretty much sums up today.


It seems all my friends are depressed these days..
I'm trying to be strong for them..
I try to take my own advice, but it doesn't work.

School blew donkey dick.

Evan picked me up around 6 and we went to Jaycee beach to 'hunt sharks'. All we did was walk, stare at the people in the hotel thingies (I'm pretty sure I saw a naked 80 year old man), throw seaweed, and I freaked out about how br00tal the ocean looked.
Then we met up with Nater and Dallas at Round Island Park. We tried to find manatees. No luck. They made me go on the path in the woods. It was pitch black outside and I was screaming "CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK!?" and grabbing on to them. Then it started raining, so we ran back to Evan's car. Then we went to Snowballs, but they were closed. Sooo, we went to Yamis instead. Mint chocolate chip ice cream on a fucking stick for $1.98? Hellz yeah.
Then THEY decided to go to the show. We went in Nater's car and left Evan's at Yamis. We got to the show, said 'hi' to about 5 people, then left again because Evan wanted his camera. We came back, and I had an awful headache, so I just sat in Evan's car.

You know, being a social butterfly, as always.

Jessie sat with me most of the time. Katie did for a while.

And SOME PEOPLE *cough cough* were leaning against Evan's car drinking~~~ and kept making it rock, and I was so close to yelling at them. But one of the people already doesn't like me FOR NO REASON so I decided not to, just because that person is mean and would be all like, "IMMA BEAT CHO ASSZZZ!"

We left, Evan dropped me off at home.

I'm really happy that I have my best friend back.

I truly miss these days.

I liked how you were feeling yesterday better than how you are feeling today :|

How selfish of me.

Stop lurking my livejournal and stop hanging up on me.
Really, it's quite childish.
I felt like calling you back to say so, but I really didn't feel like getting into that conversation.

Shitty shitty

Every day gets worse. I feel so empty, uninterested, tired, sad.

Evan told me that I have plenty of reasons to get up in the morning. He told me that everything will get better. I want to believe that, but it's hard to.

I just want to cry all the time, and it sucks.

I would totally do Conor Oberst.
All night long.

Eye doctah says that nothing is wrong with my eyes.
However, I do have migraines.
I get to go to the neurologist and be put on beta blockers. Apparently they reduce anxiety, hell yes.
I also have to start keeping a food diary--that's right. I have to write down every little thing that I eat and drink.



And I don't want to talk about the rest of today.
It pretty much includes me crying, talking on the phone, and never wanting to get out of bed.
But my bestest friend, Evan, helped make me feel better.

Originally I wasn't going to go to school today so that I could go with my mom to pick up my grandma, Pat, from the airport.

But I just stayed home.
And thought.
A lot.


Things really are going to change.

eeeeep. This movie is seriously a masterpiece. Like---I can't describe.
I wish Erin didn't take it to Va with her!!!!! >:(

Dear god, everything is going south.

Today was terrible.
I had a panic attack once I got home. A really bad one. I thought I was going to stop breathing.

I don't want to talk about what brought this on...

I just feel so defeated and hopeless.

Why the fuck do I get up in the morning?

I WAS CRYING, LITERALLY.
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD

GAGA AND ELTON JOHN!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?RKT BNL'KNYGBREQI GTC333

BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE
BEST PERFORMANCE THERE HAS EVER BEEN






PERFECTION, THY NAME IS GAGA!

God fucking dammit.
My parents bug the piss out of me.

So, I ALWAAAAAAAAAAAYS get bitched at for washing towels with clothes, because I guess "it wears the towels out."

So, today, I'm currently home alone and I'm doing laundry, and I see that my mother has washed tons of towels with clothes.
So I call her to tell her in a sarcastic joking manner that she needs to not do that.
And we talk for a few minutes, then before we go, I say, "Don't forget to tell Michael you did this so he can yell at you, too."
AND SHE FUCKING FLIIIPS OUT ON ME.
"Amanda, I don't need you bitching at me mer mer mer mer"
"Well, I'm not 'bitching' at you. And even if I was, good. I'm not the only one who should be bitched at."
*hangs up*

I hate how parents always think that they're superior to their children. Maybe I don't believe in the respecting your elders/parents because I'm not religious, I don't know.
Of course, "give respect, get respect."

If I get yelled at for something, she should, too.

Like, seriously.

I'm so sick of living here.

My mom STILL hasn't payed my deposit to Ferrum.
She STILL hasn't taken me to a therapist, like she has said she was going to for the past 2 1/2 years...I'm fucking going crazy. I'm going to end up dead soon.


My mom is the biggest procrastinator I know, and I want to punch her in the face.

Reasons to get out of bed:

1) I worry too much about school/college. I have to get my work done.
2) My project 365..I don't want to miss a day.
3) To see my dogs
4) To turn my music on.
5) Talking to you.


So sad.
That's pretty much all I can think of.



And according to last fm, since May 24th 2007, I have listened to Bright Eyes 10,095 times.

I was thinking about Bright Eyes last night before I was falling alseep.
A lot of people think Bright Eyes is a hipster band or whatever. But those are the people who have only listened to Four Winds, First Day Of My Life, Lover I Don't Have To Love, Land Locked Blues, etc.
I quite honestly love Bright Eyes with all my heart.
I don't know if I could have made it through these last 5ish years without them.
I don't know how to describe it, but I just truly love that band.

So...
Michael's gay uncle?
He bought KKK memorabilia at an antique show today.
Apparently he has lots of it, and Nazi memorabilia.

He is no longer cool.



My headaches weren't too bad today, thank god.

I went to the Ocean Grill tonight for the first time.
I hated it.
Am I the only one who hates the Ocean Grill? It seems so. They only had one vegetarian dish. Pasta with lots of good vegetables (minus the nasty olives). I mean, it was good, but bland. AND OMG. There was so much oil at the bottom. It made me sick.





I feel so free.
I really do.
But I feel confined at the same time, but that's only because I don't ever talk to anyone anymore.
Well, I talk to some people.



Just attempting to tip the scales these days.
Without many people realizing.


I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Almost done!
Webcam makes it look shitttttay

I turned in my senior portfolio. I'm walking at graduation. Sweet.
skipped half of senior sem and humanities. Went home.
my head....

met Michael's gay uncle, and I love him. He's the only old person I know that admires that I'm a vegetarian.

Met Michael's friend, Burum. HE'S FROM ALBANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's the coolest person ever.
Like, EVER.
AND
he has a nephew who is a famous Albanian rapper (YES I LOVE SLAVIC RAP!) and he's a little older than me and he's coming to the states soon to STUDY ART!
THIS BOY IS MY SOUL MATE.
Albanian rapper that loves art?
YES YES YES GIVE HIM TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE




I'm so terribly lonley.
I've decided that although I LOVE being alone..it's really not healthy to be alone as much as I am

People need to stop pissing me off.




SOMEONE COME CUDDLE WITH MEEEEE